::::Whispers From The Heart::::

2010-01-17T10:56:00.006+08:00

The storm is brewing and I sense it is coming my way. Either I cower and run or face it with might. I choose the later. If being severely tested on this right path is part of attaining ones dream. Then I shall embrace it and be accountable for the consequences and odds that come.

Throw in your relentless sarcasm and pessimistic views. I assure you that will not bring me down. It will only make me stronger. For countless of times, I have repeatedly mentioned that I will fight against all odds. I will not budge to your expectations just because your view, like the size of a living room, only thinks its best.

People react to a situation where such occurence requires to protect themselves from being hurt. And when patience depletes, a strong eruption will occur. It works in a cycle. Unless I am someone who does not mind getting hurt or abuse, such things will not matter.
But I am not.

Fear of failure is far worse than failure itself

2010-01-01T19:59:00.004+08:00

I am not going to argue over such frivolous petty matter just because it makes you look bad, not signing the card and not contributing to the gifts for people who were being told to leave due to such circumstances. I didnt plan on this so dont go about making such a big deal or fuss over such stupid things!

I have had enough of being pushed!

Please get your facts right! Grow up!

2009-12-31T22:30:00.003+08:00

While many others are partying away as they welcome the Year 2010 in just 1hr and 20 mins, I am here quietly waiting at home for the New Year to come. Yes. At Home.

As we will be ushering the year 2010, I have to say that in truth, 2009, is one of the best year I have experienced. Resolutions that I have made in the beginning of the year have all been accomplished. For this I give myself a good pat for the hardworked I have done this year.

I have no regrets over the decisions I made and to be frank, I am quite sad that I will be leaving the year 2009 to 2010.

Of course like it or not we will soon be in the New Year soon. So cliche as this may sound, all I can say that I will definitely look forward to Year 2010.

Cheers to all!!!

2009-12-16T14:39:00.002+08:00

It was supposedly to be a one day or whole day leave. Taking the time off to study for test and away from work. Unfortunately, it turns out to be a half day since a client wants to come down today to sign some documents.

I know I should be studying/revising but the sense of drive is lost. I am refraining myself from thinking bad thoughts but then...it just slowly leaks into my mind.

As for the test today...I know I am going to flunk. Badly. Plus I am here blogging away instead of facing the text book.

2009-11-29T08:09:00.003+08:00

I TRULY DETEST:-

1. FOOLS WHO ARE INSENSITIVE AFTER A RELATIVE HAS JUST PASSED AWAY AND ALL THEY CAN EVER THINK IS THE BLOODY MONEY, NOT EVEN LIFTING A SINGLE FINGER TO HELP AND A SPOUSE WHO HAS A FOUL MOUTH. ABSOLUTELY DESPICABLE!! FUCKING IDIOT!!

2. PARENTS WHO THINKS TOO BLOODY HIGH OF THEIR KIDS AND CRITICIZE OTHER PARENT'S CHILD AS SOMEONE WHO IS INCOMPETENT OF THEIRS. AS MUCH AS BEING DEFENSIVE OR PROUD AS A PARENT I DO NOT THINK IT IS WISE TO GO ON A BLOODY CRITICIZING SPREE OF PEOPLE'S CHILD OR CHILDREN!

TRULY FUCKINGLY MADDENING!!!

2009-11-23T13:43:00.001+08:00

Right now..am having my lunch break. And all I can think is....Home. I Just Want to Go Home and lie on my bed.

2009-11-21T18:27:00.002+08:00

I miss this band.

Infact, I miss all 90s alternative rock bands.

2009-11-20T12:13:00.002+08:00

Ok. Tension. Stress. Lets put that aside.

For now I want to plan for a holiday. Yes a holiday, perhaps in January or February 2010. And I hope this plan works.

If anyone who wants to join in. Please do. Will appreciate the company ;]

2009-11-18T23:25:00.002+08:00

AAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FT WORK + PT SCHOOL = BASTARD

I am seriously going out of my mind!

And screw idealism!

2009-11-08T20:15:00.003+08:00

November. November. Sweet November.

It is coming to the end of the year and all the rush throughout the whole year (almost)have been...a rollercoaster ride. Yes it is. A crazy ride. However crazy as it is, I am truly glad and happy for the year 2009.

What I had set myself as a personal goal or list to do have been attained. I know at times the things I say here may be contradicting, but there was a period that I need to unleash or ease the tension. And for the first time in my life, I am happy for the decisions/choices I have made. I still have a long way to go to see the results of this enduring phase. I just hope that at the end of this, everything pays off and I can treat myself good.

I fall and stumble along the way...but hey! This is what makes my life interesting albeit there are at times I-hate-going-through-this-experience- and-never-want-to-repeat-it.Whatever it is, I shall give a good pat on my back for going through this far and completing my 2009 resolutions.

This may seem early but I would like to say this... Cheers to the Year 2009!!

2009-11-01T00:57:00.001+08:00

I think I can start banging my head on the wall when I see past year papers for my units.

Feeling crap right now.

2009-10-30T22:07:00.002+08:00

I have a tendency to procrastinate when it comes to revision on Statistics. Instead I would rather do other frivolous things. Like now. =p

2009-10-25T22:35:00.001+08:00

My weekends are totally burnt. Burnt by spending time in the office. =(

2009-10-23T00:06:00.000+08:00

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

2009-10-22T20:43:00.002+08:00

Gahh!!! I better make sure I study hard in order to get my degree at the end of this course and flee here!!

On another note...

Dasar orang Melayu! Harap nak naik pangkat! Gaji nak lebih! Tapi kerja taknak lebih! Naik pangkat sikit kepala bukan makin besar! Ubah ah perangai tu!
Macam mana orang Melayu nak maju!
Bacin!!!!

2009-10-17T03:43:00.002+08:00

24 hours is not enough and I wish I could ask for time to be extended. Every single second and every minute counts. Everyday has been a rush not knowing what day or week of the month. Each time I look at the time and did not do what I am suppose to, I just feel I have wasted away those precious time.

I had intended to take a short rest sometime around 10.30 pm and to wake up in half an hour so that I feel refresh and am able to absorb what I am studying. But look at the time now. It is 4 am on a Saturday morning. My Friday night just slips away like sand through my hands. I am utterly disappointed that I could not carry out the task I am suppose to do. Not very long it would be Sunday and after that its a Monday.

Alright I better stop here. Even my time is wasted by typing this away. That even makes me feel guilty.

2009-10-09T07:02:00.002+08:00

*Thinking aloud.*

It is not that I am making an impulse decision.
I have been thinking thoroughly and looking for ways to make a move since last year.
Am I going to make another wrong step.
Should I be doing something related to ease the pathway.
Really should I or should I not.

2009-10-08T19:05:00.003+08:00

Truly a bad day today or shall I say bad week and I foresee more to come.

I'm still in the office and am trying to keep my eyes open while typing this away. Random things will be listed here and not orderly or making sense, as I need to get it off my chest before I go insane.

1. I have been thinking of alternative of where I'm standing.

2. I need to focus alot on my studies although now I am starting to hate Statistics coz it's Maths. I just don't seem to clique well with numbers, figures, formulaes or anything that is to do with Maths. Dammit I really just can't wait to get my cert and fly from here or shall I take a freelance job or something.

3. I simply can't tolerate those with an attitude problem especially at work.

4. I can't stand it!!! I need to 'breathe'!
P.S: Something to shout upon for no apparent reason. I'm on the verge of going crazy you see.

4. To start a fund/savings for travelling. Am planning to go to Europe but....that will be in 3 years time. Reason: A treat for myself after suffering/struggling of working and studying at the same time. Whoever wants to come along feel free to let me know.

5. I need a kaki to go with me to Europe! Anyone?! Baahhahaha

6. I want to migrate. Or go anywhere far from here!

7. I feel I feel I feel I feel...like quitting. Why do I end up being a quitter.

Ok that's it. done.

2009-09-30T23:11:00.002+08:00

Two shocks for today:-

1. An earthquake tremor which I felt at work. CBD District. It felt so surreal to be experiencing it.

2. Lecturer for Socio has just announced the results of students who took the exam this year and the percentage between FT students and PT students leaves a big gap. 78% for FT and 52% for PT. This is bad news and serves the purpose to slap right back to reality.

2009-09-26T19:17:00.001+08:00

I know I should be studying.
I know I should be studying.
I know I should be studying.
I know I should be studying.
I know I should be studying.

2009-09-24T20:54:00.002+08:00

The weekends are nearing and I foresee Malay families doing the Raya visitings, including myself. Frankly speaking, I feel numb despite the hype of this festive month. Especially this year. Lesser house to visit which ironically I like it.

At least I get to slip away from nosey relatives whom I rarely meet, asking about my well beings and being compared about their son or daughter or... even worse some extended relative which I have never known in my entire 24 years of my life. Believe me this happens. If not for Raya then during weddings. Typical malay community.

Aanyway, I anticipate that for last week and this week workload has subside. Taking a one day leave last week and enjoying the long public holiday. Hell no...that did not happen. Upon reaching the office, I wanted to faint seeing papers being laid out on my desk, files being piled and emails which I do not know what is happeing. And not only that, school has just started and it is back to the hectic schedule.

2009-09-22T00:53:00.002+08:00

Ok long public holidays and celebration aside.

I hate to say this and burst the bubble...but in another few hours time, it is back to work and school. Sigh.

I just cannot wait for weekends to come.

2009-09-17T20:30:00.002+08:00

I rebonded my hair and cut my fringe short.

And now I do not like it.

I look like a freaking cheena bukit or some ah lian. =( =( =(

2009-09-14T23:57:00.002+08:00

Hari Raya is just a few days away and at the rate I am doing things...I sure know I will do it at the last minute.

My room is in a mess. Due to the limited storage, books are stacked up and placed wherever I can find space. I want a room makeover but I guess I will need another century to start. Plus I am utterly broke. So so broke. It is the one thing I dislike about this festive season. Not that I always buy new things whenever festive season approach.

And now not only am I looking forward to Raya but I am so so so waiting for my pay to come in. It feels like eons just waiting for that day to arrive. Pay day please come soon.

2009-09-08T22:43:00.000+08:00

It is amazing how a simple praise can boost ones morale so easily and effectively. Eliminating doubts and ignite a burning desire to do their best in whichever path they go through.

I am going to hold on to this drive and take whatever shit in my stride.

Ok, back to study mode.

2009-09-05T09:23:00.002+08:00

And so the race is on.

Training shall resume.....after fasting month. =D

2009-08-27T23:55:00.001+08:00

Am I climbing a mountain that is too high to reach?

2009-08-23T21:30:00.000+08:00

And there goes my weekend. Burned just like that in two days.
It is getting harder and harder to breathe for each step I take.

Everytime a new week begins, I feel like as if I am hyperventilating just by thinking about the things I need to do. I do not have the time savouring to live life. My body clock is screwed up and I am starting to walk like a zombie.

It is 10 pm now and I better finish up my assignment and revisions. Boo.

2009-08-16T15:41:00.002+08:00

The Angel's Game
Carlos Ruiz Zaf́on

But there are a lot of people with talent and passion, and many of them never get anywhere. This is only the first step for achieving anything in life. Natural talent is like an athlete`s strength. You can be born with more or less ability, but nobody can become an athlete just because he or she was born tall, or strong, or fast. What makes the athlete, or the artist, is the work, the vocation and the technique. The intelligence you are born with is just ammunition. To achieve something with it you need to transform your mind into a high-precision weapon.

To achieve anything you must first have ambition and then talent, knowledge, and finally the opportunity.

2009-08-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

Updates Updates

My first spin on the road after passing my test happens today.

Boy it was nerve wrecking as compared to the test. Bahaha! I swear my hands were a little bit sweaty when I did lane changing especially when there were lots of cars and driving in the expressway. My dad actually wanted to buy a cane when I did not comply to the directions he gave.

I rely too much on the pole as my point to do my parking during the driving lessons but ever since I passed it was a totally different thing to do parking without the pole.

Plus a number of honks from other drivers. Baahhh..It could not get any better.
How to drive alone like this?

2009-08-09T09:19:00.001+08:00

It has been 5 years since I graduated from my Secondary school which is well known for its love for literature. For some reason,I use to loathe at the sight of that subject back in those days and ironically, I was the literature representative for my class. A good 4 years serving as the lit. rep. Due to my dislike towards literature, I didn't do very well when I took my 'O' Level. I must say I did produce a very bad result. Since the day I received the results and graduated, I didn't give second thoughts about the subject.

Things took a turn and a few years later I am now beginning to appreciate the art works in literature. I traced back to the roots of how we define similies, metaphors or imagery. I know I am far behind.

These days I have a tendency to buy books that are more prose like and have the intention of having a mini library in my room. I have the urge to master literature and the language. I suppose it's the calm effect I get whenever I read these books. Appreciating every written words crafted beautifully by the author.

2009-08-08T00:02:00.001+08:00

A time to pick myself up amidst this turmoil. One stupid careless mistake and the result turns out more than just a human error. One blow after another. A very tough week I went through.

For those who (at work) showed concern genuinely, I thank you. Even though you may not entirely know the whole story or read this blog. And perhaps for those(who knows)just try to show concern but for the sake of squeezing the juice in the name of gossip...go do something constructive or productive to your life.

And like I said a few months previously, I am going to brave the storm at all odds. And this is one of the odds. I do not know if there is more to come but I surely am going to fight all the way till I get my goals right.

2009-08-05T07:01:00.000+08:00

One down one more to go.

2009-08-03T14:15:00.000+08:00

Simply Estatic!!!

I can drive! I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!I can drive!

Weeeeee! Ok now I can start looking for a car. Where shall I start...

2009-07-27T23:48:00.003+08:00

This is not good. Not good.

I haven't been focusing well in my studies and I know what or how the outcome might turn out if I still keep up with this rate.

I had an in-class test today and guess what...half-way thru my pathetic essay, I decided to throw the towel and go home. Though the test is not compulsory somehow I felt if I give up easily as this, things are going to get harder the next.

Two assignments are still left undone.

My mind is still in the clouds. When will I ever touch the ground? Hah. I really think I'm kidding myself.

Need. A. Slap. Back. To. Reality.

2009-07-25T00:14:00.002+08:00

There's a limit as to how much I can bend or being patient. I do not get angry over such silly petty things like if I do not have a share when ordering food together. Such thing is a waste of my time. I do not get angry blindly, there is a reason to it. And I detest people bitching about others back without a base as if the whole world revolves around them.

2009-07-18T00:30:00.002+08:00

Is there a significance of a dream? Some kind of premonition or a message to tell us?

I recently had a dream where I remembered a person gave me a watch in gold, despite having a watch myself...the same watch I wear in real life. I remembered admiring the gold watch and was placing the watch in gold beside the watch I was wearing in my dream. Somehow I woke up due to some unknown reason and got me thinking about the dream...since the dream focus on the watch.

Is the dream trying to tell me something? My first guess on the possibility for its reason is, to tell me Time is Gold. It sounds cliche. I guess I could also put it that I need to manage my time. I dunno...or perhaps I am just imagining things.

2009-07-18T00:25:00.000+08:00

I think I am kidding myself...Am I?

2009-07-16T21:45:00.003+08:00

Ever thought that sometimes talking to strangers is alot easier than someone you know? Strangers that comes from different walks of life, be it he/she is old or young. It could be a Nenek who sells Teh Tarik or the Aunty/Uncle selling Char Kway Teow...it could be anyone.
That having a conversation with them can be a breeze and you don't have to worry of what they think nor judge about you, since both of you are..well... strangers to each other.

You accept them just like they accept you. You won't feel burdened or hurt/disappointed. You talk things that maybe you have never talk about, than those who knows you throughout your whole life and you gain more perspective. Whether the conversation is an honest one or not, that's up to individual. Coz in the end, there are no ties or strings attached between you and the stranger.

Sometimes it can be a breather from the circles of friends you have known. Even those you know can be judgemental, superficial or worse liars and claims that they know you better than those strangers. Ironic isn't it? But believe it or not, sometimes strangers can notice things about yourself, that even your very close ones doesn't notice.

This is just some thoughts and feelings I wanted to share, while thinking about it a while a go. I don't need feedback nor comments.

2009-07-12T12:05:00.002+08:00

Sunday morning was greeted by an overcast sky. I was expecting a heavy downpour in the morning and decided to snooze all the way, but eventually it didn't rain. Thus, skipping my usual running/jogging routine and having half of my Sunday in bed.

Last week has been a whirl and school has finally started. The first day left me drained all of my energy. Amazingly I was still able to focus and listen to the lecture. A different atmosphere and teaching method then when I was in RP. So I had to mentally re-adjust back to the traditional way of learning.

Second day, I was stump at the end of the lesson by a 'mini' quiz. When was the last time I had one, furthermore an essay kind. And for a few seconds I could only write pathetic answers and the rest of the time was left by staring at the question. Yes, I stared at it as if answers would magically appear from the paper. Like Harry Potter(Ok. Not funny. Not funny). That got me thinking if this the right path I chose and almost doubting myself. Questions in my head arose instead of answers for the question.

Like an answer to the above, I read an article today about a girl who recently graduated from the local uni. Almost the same course as I take. But what attracts my attention is the girl's plight and struggles in her life. Her father passed away when she was young, leaving her mother, herself and 2 younger siblings. Mother worked with a low wage income and she took her A Level as a private candidate because the government schools doesn't allow headscarf ( she was previously a madrasah student). Finally got into the uni., graduated and now working in Dubai.

The last sentence was not what I was interested in but the life/journey she had to go through. And what kind of struggles have I encountered unlike hers. Maybe I am blessed that my life isn't as difficult as hers but to me its a lesson that there are others out there who leads a difficult one. Lastly, it's an assurance that this is the path I had chosen.

Will leave a quote my lecturer told us in class. Not relevant to the above but I found it true when he mentions it.

"When outgoing exceeds your income, your upkeep will be your downfall."

2009-07-11T12:43:00.000+08:00

I am soooo borrreedd to death here! Can't wait to leave, can't wait to leave.

2009-07-10T23:04:00.003+08:00

Trust is EARNED and not DEMANDED.

How do you expect to be trusted when you don't trust anyone and keeps on lying in the face.

A reflection..

2009-07-04T12:46:00.000+08:00

In the office on a Saturday and I am bored.

15 more minutes till its 1 pm.

2009-07-02T21:02:00.002+08:00

A conversation was heard, bringing back old wounds from the past.
Not only did it sparks the angst in me, it also re-ignites the drive to excel.

6 July, bring it on.

This is the reason why I am slowly moving away from such relative gatherings.

2009-06-29T22:42:00.002+08:00

Initially I wanted to quote a phrase from a book I had just read, but decided not to since I realised I had returned the book today. An overdue one.

I guess that leaves me to type some daily mindless nonsensical things I encounter. Read on if you want, but let me warn you something...you may get bored.

So instead of doing some window shopping after returning the book from the National Library( which I usually do if I happened to be around Bugis), I went home straight. Ok, sounds ordinary right.

Annywayy...

Decided to take the train home since it's raining and hop on to one that is really packed. Unfortunately the ride home was not an enjoyable one, besides knowing the fact that it is sardine packed. So why was it an unenjoyable train ride?That is because I was standing next to someone who has shoes that stinks so bad. Soo Baaaddd. Words can't describe how stinky it is.

I tried to tolerate the stink by facing in another direction after the station I boarded, but alas such idea didn't work.

Have you ever felt the wind when you ride the MRT train? Usually I would welcome it if I felt it but not today. Coz the wind that blows in my direction makes it worse. Especially when I am trapped in this situation. I almost suffocated myself, as I tried to hold on to my breath due to the stink. In the end, I couldn't tolerate any longer and alighted at Aljunied to take another train. This time the train I boarded isn't as sardine packed plus there is no stinky shoes, except for the smell of food that makes my stomach rumbles even more.

Alright. So that is how my day ended.

2009-06-18T12:02:00.002+08:00

On leave just for today and it feels good to get away from the monotonous life in the office.

It's 12 noon already and the heat outside is unbearable. I'm supposed to go out early in the morning to settle some matters, but ended up succumbing to temptation of waking up late. Will be going out slightly later to settle it.

School will be starting in 2 weeks time and suddenly I feel that I am not prepared. I know it's ironic. One moment I feel so excited to go back to school and the next moment I chickened out. It has been 2 years since I graduated from Poly. 2 years of not studying and literally I switched off my brain. Any longer than 2 years perhaps I won't have the drive to further my studies.

The past few months has been a whirl. There are too many things on my mind. I guess I need to take things one step at a time and breathe slow...

2009-06-17T00:26:00.002+08:00

Suddenly I feel I am not mentally prepared.
And it is just a few weeks away till it starts.
Why oh why must I suddenly feel this way.
Where has that enthusiasm vibe gone to?

2009-05-24T12:18:00.000+08:00

"I don't know why it's always you," Isabelle finally replied. "But there must be a reason."

"A reason? People always say that. But only people who haven't really suffered talk about reasons. Because that's so much easier to say than to hear. "...

" I wish I had those answers, Annie. That might... somehow make things easier. Maybe you're right. Maybe there aren't reasons. Maybe things...evil things just happen."

2009-05-23T23:30:00.003+08:00

A Conversation

"If he/she wants to lie, don't come out with a lie stupidly. By saying going to school on a public holiday..Who does that?"

And I don't know whether to laugh or to snap back.
Reality check please.

2009-05-18T13:18:00.003+08:00

A Belated Birthday Wish

Dear Wishing Star,

I wish for a windfall on me please. Constantly. *Big Grin*

Thank you.

Lots of love,
Jannah

2009-05-11T00:34:00.002+08:00

I seriously need to re-manage my personal finance. After a very long hiatus from tracking what I spent every month, it's high time that I start again else I wouldn't know where all those cash has gone to. I hate it when that happens and when it happens I wonder how I ended up being broke.

So lets keep that aside and move on to the Mother's Day celebration.
Nothing much of a hoo-haa thing. Both my younger sis bought a cake for her of which I expected to hear comments from her after thanking them for buying. Such comments would be "Why didn't you buy a better one like Swensons?" or "You could have get something else besides cake". *Rolls eyes*
And my sis would reply "Alah...at least we bought a cake. It's the thought that counts right." Cliche, I know. But this is how my mother can be.

Right after that we went out to watch a movie, 'Jangan Tegur'. Frankly speaking, I am not a big fan of scary movie but since they are watching I just tag along.

The verdict of the movie?

Ok, this is the part where there are some things I write would be contradicting. During the time in the movie, I kept covering my eyes or looked down when I know that the suspense part of the show is about to come. That is because I hate being shocked or surprised in scary movies. My heart would skip a beat when that happens. I would peek through the small openings between my fingers to see if the part is really scary. If not I would just continue to watch as per normal, as if it is nothing more than a TV show.

Alright, back to the verdict. I would say that it is not as scary as what I have heard or read from the reviews. The plot is rather mundane to me. I could actually laugh where one scene shows that the girl, Baizura, was struggling when she was possessed by the demon her evil Aunt had sent her through blackmagic (Ok, this part is a spoiler for those who haven't watch). From my personal opinion, it's a waste of your $10 to watch it.

Oh there was an incident in the theater which was quite a spoiler though it is not part of the movie. A phone rang loudly in some malay song I know not of. I expected that the person's phone which rang was to quickly reject it, feel remorseful or answer it in a hush tone to be polite. Unfortunately, she didn't and it turns out to be one of those typical Makcik. She answered her phone and spoke to the caller with a voice that the whole world just have to hear instead of the movie. Plus she sits about 3-4 rows from where we were sitting (we were seated at the last row).

Some parts from the conversation of which I heard.

"Harlow!"
"Ahh, aku kat Tampines ni tengok wayang"
"Oh Ok Ok"
"A ah aku kat Tampines"

..and some conversation...

"Ok Ok Ok, nanti aku telepon kau balik lah".

Alamak.. Makcik Makcik. *shakes head*.
Kalau nak berbual tu sila la keluar sekejap atau pelan kan suara tu. Tsk.

2009-05-09T05:56:00.003+08:00

It was five in the morning when I was woken up by the sound of the rumbling thunder and flashes of lightning across the sky.

"Oh good", I told this myself. Am being happy that it was raining and the idea of going back to bed to the cool weather sounds too good to miss. Barely 5 minutes into my sleep, the howl of the wind started to become louder. I look out of the window and saw that it was raining heavily.

I guess it was just a normal heavy rain with thunder and lightning. But for the next couple of minutes, the howl of the wind and the sound of thunder becomes more louder. Flashes of lightning cracks into the sky every few seconds. I looked out of the window again and see nothing but heavy rain. My view was totally obscured. The only thing I can only make out is the blurry light from the traffic light and the outline of the trees below that sways roughly due to the very strong wind. This is more than just a normal heavy rain.

I felt uneasy and closed the window in my room as heavy rain pours and since I am staying on the 16th floor, all the more I am afraid that lightning may strike into my room.

I came out of my room thinking that my parents would be woken up by the sounds outside and closed the windows in the hall and kitchen, only to know that I am the only one who was awaken.
With the sound of the wind and thunder, my house suddenly looks like those typical scary movie. Complete with the hanging lamp swaying to and fro. And since the wind was too strong, one of the big painting in my house flips and the ceiling fan moves clockwise without the need of electricity. Heavy rain pours into the house, wetting the floors and the coffee table with small leaves splayed across but not too many.

It's 6:40 am and I couldn't sleep until now. Not because I was frightened by the bad weather rather I was awed by the forces of nature and the sudden urge to blog about it.

2009-05-08T23:04:00.006+08:00

Once I was told that I'm a pushover. That I am too nice. And what did I get in return for being too kind?
Being taken advantage over and over again, it's to the point that a blame was being pushed to me and I stupidly prepared myself to take the blame.
Plus there's a bonus prize for this. The prize of having a low morale and being demoralized.

That was what happened back in my previous job, until I have had enough. My tolerance level has gone beyond my limit. No doubt I was still green. Fresh out of school. Unknown to the battlefield in the working world. Save for those part-time/temporary ones. It doesn't count as the exposure is rather minimal.
I cannot blame anyone but myself. For lacking in my judgement. For not being firm and confident. For not standing up for myself. And no, I did not have the thought that I expect someone to stand up for me.
Due to the experience, I learnt that sometimes it doesn't pay being nice and there's a need to fight to fend for ones defence. Necessarily of course.

Being kind doesn't give the idea that I am weak. Just because I am nice and patient, it doesn't give the green light to manipulate and use me like a puppet until I am battered. Nobody likes to be in this position. Nobody.
I may be a quiet person but that doesn't mean I do not have a say for myself. It doesn't imply I agree to every single damn thing and take whatever comes my way blindly and be swayed by it.
I do not get angry blindly and for no apparent reason. Of course the nature depends on the situation. Be it personal or at work. Analyse it before jumping into conclusions. And when I flare it means my tolerance level has gone beyond my limit. Please note I do not do this very often unless I am being pushed.

I do reflect on my actions. However the truth may be ugly, I know I have flaws which I need to improve on. I do not leave as it is and force others to adapt to my bad habits. And yes I feel guilty. I am human after all. I am still sane.
For this I try my best not to cause inconvenience to anyone.

I learned alot and through the hard way despite my one year stay from my previous place. I can't deny this part. I take it as a wake up call for me.

Someone has told me to think of it as a game. It is either I play and fight or quit to lose and be despaired. I choose the first.

What does not kill me makes me stronger.

A note: No intention was made to anyone when this entry was written unless coincidentally you feel the pinch. I have been holding this for too long and need to get it out from my chest before it overtakes me and turn me into a monster.

2009-04-29T22:21:00.000+08:00

Signed. Sealed. Delivered.

In 2 months time, I shall brave the storm at all odds.

On another note, I really need to watch my diet and increase the exercise routine. I have been putting on weight so fast in my entire life ever since I worked here.
And I am not exaggerating. Serious.

2009-04-23T00:22:00.003+08:00

"Sometimes when you think you have achieve what you aim, you still feel that there is someting missing in your life. 'Something' you feel that you are not complete.

And when you ponder about it, you realise that what you are missing is your other half; your soulmate. Someone whom you can share your joy and sadness with. You yearn to be with your soulmate but the problem is, you do not know who he/she is. A faceless person whom you come to know just by feeling. An instinct that you are so sure.

It is the instinct that tells you someone out there is waiting for you.
The feeling that makes your heart beats for that person, whoever they are.
You anticipate the day he/she comes into your life. Someone who will paint your landscape which was once a dry desert.

You search high and low looking for signs who would paint this landscape. At times to the point that you tire youself and conclude that there is no one of your match. And when loneliness knocks on your door, you try your best not to let it in. Fearing that you will be taken over and drown in misery.

Everybody yearns for someone whom they can love and be loved. It is just that time will take its own course. You will know. Just listen to your heart and it will guide you."

2009-04-18T12:51:00.001+08:00

Just 10 more minutes.

Once the tip of the hand strikes at 1 p.m. and I am done for the day.

Just 10 more minutes. 10 more minutes.

2009-04-14T22:03:00.003+08:00

It is only Tuesday. Time seems to be ticking away slowly.

How I wish I can retreat somewhere nice such as the photograph below. Listening to some soothing music . Wade around in a clear seawater. Basking under the sun. Lazing in a hammock as I watch the sunset.
Preferred destination would be Bora Bora. Paradise.

Summer Samba - Bebel Gilberto

P.S: I know I should just snap back into reality but in the meantime just let me be. Just let me be...

2009-04-06T10:57:00.002+08:00

Kawan makan kawan.

If I have my way I would shoot you right in the head.

2009-04-04T23:03:00.005+08:00

Familiar street.

Spent the day with the loved ones to buy some cloth.
Am very happy with the purchases which I kept it within the budget.
This time as I walk down the familiar lanes, I take in the very details that makes this place beautiful. Appreciating the little things that I took for granted whenever I'm there.To the sights, sounds, scenes, roads and the architectural design of the buildings.
And I love my weekends.

2009-04-03T21:05:00.002+08:00

A perfect way to spend my Friday night. Sweet treats from home.

Definitely worth to indulge in.
Yummy. =)

2009-03-31T22:29:00.002+08:00

Read: Bimbo entry alert. Full of pink fluffy stuff in the head. Not that I like pink but it has been associated to Bimbos.
You. have. been. warned.

Temptations. Temptations. Temptations.

Just hours ago I was on the verge of purchasing a dress from an online journal shop. Contemplated for the longest time and in the end I did not, supressing my hunger for retail theraphy elsewhere, which is by reading a blog that gives reviews about the IT bags.

I haven't been going shopping last month. Ok. I lied. I only bought one dress but then it's not enough to satisfy me.

Am trying to save more perhaps for something I' m aiming or for the sale period. I have a feeling I will end up splurging.

You know that kind of feeling, where you go on diet for days or weeks and then you end up wallowing up huge amounts of crap into your body. Followed by that sorry feeling for yourself by doing that. No?

Anyway, another random thing that suddenly pop into my mind(I can be such a scatterbrain). Don't you think it can be pretty annoying when your sibling suddenly come into your room while you are having some privacy. Furthermore when the public PC is located in your room because of space limitations. I think I'm having issues. Unnecessarily.

And I hate the pimple I'm having.

Ahh..screw it.

Signing off...
The PMS Bimbo.

2009-03-29T17:47:00.003+08:00

Zubir Said.

All of us (especially Singaporeans) knows who he is. The composer and founder of our National Anthem who has received numerous awards on his contributions to our Country.

Of course, most of us briefly knows about his biography. My point in this entry is not wholly on the subject of History but admiring his hard work and determination of reaching his goal. He received obligations from his father of pusuing his interest to become a musician. Despite the obligations, he is determined to pursue what he believes in and makes his dream into a reality and in turn became a public figure. This is the admiration I have for him.

He is not the only one whom I look up to for inspiration and boosting my esteem to follow what I believe and capable of. There are others coming from one of my family, some friends whom I have seen and heard of going the extra mile of reaching their goals and other well known figures. Frankly speaking, I am happy for them and their efforts to get there or in the process of getting there.

I dislike those who discourage others just so they would feel superior. I dislike those who speaks ill of others when they themselves aren't perfect at all. Look into the mirror and do some reflections.

Like Zubir Said I have my fair share of obligations in pursuing my interests and what I am capable of. Throughout my growing up years, there will be at times where I would have to fight my way for what I believe in. It's not easy and never was. I have had my set backs and painfully pick up the pieces to stand tall. And from experience, I learned to block out the negatives and instead take in the positives. I will not be discouraged and being used for the benefit of others.

As long as my will to go far, I am determined to work my way for what I believe and in reaching my goals. Try stopping me and I will unleash the wrath in me.

2009-03-27T00:04:00.002+08:00

A change of colour, add an image and that's all I did for this new skin.

On another note, it's Friiiiddaayy! Weekend is here! And I love it. Plus it's payday too =)

2009-03-24T21:36:00.008+08:00

We slipped. We fell. We laugh ourselves silly. The things we never thought we would do. A rare opportune which we set aside some of our time. Well...a picture says a thousand words and so it shall be.

2009-03-21T22:52:00.002+08:00

Currently I am into the prose like books or books that have cultural influences in it. I had just finished reading the book, Snow Flower and the Secret Fan, by Lisa See. Like the reviews I have read, I am truly captivated by this novel written in prose and the insights I gained after reading it. It bespoke of friendship between two ladies that is so deep and forgiveness between them.

There were some parts in the book that tells about the 'binding foot days', 'bounded feet' or 'golden lily feet', which was also mentioned when I read The Painter From Shanghai. Since I do not know much about the Chinese culture, plus the settings that takes you back to the 19th Century in China, I was intrigued and decided to Google it.

I was totally grossed and regret that I Googled, when I saw images of what they called 'golden lily feet'. I can imagine the ordeal these ladies that went through this phase of having to have the smallest feet. Something they were proud about in those days. And not only that, this binded feet also leads to a deformed feet as well.

Aaanyway, I would love to continue reading books by this author. Will probably head to some bookstores and purchase one if there is none from the library.

2009-03-18T23:08:00.002+08:00

Boredom strikes and all I did is some no brainer quiz from facebook. I just can't wait for weekends to come. Totally drained this week and I am beginning to walk like a zombie as I go to work almost every morning this week.

2009-03-15T22:40:00.003+08:00

As much as I try to refrain from typing an entry about this topic, eventually I end up doing so. I don't do this often or never at all. What is this about? Read the following...

Guys can be such an egoistic creatures! At times I just wonder if they know when to stop, probably they don't. I am sure this has been the talk of town since Adam and Eve! I don't know which part of these words, " I have moved on", they don't understand.

In my perspective about love, two souls beats as one. It takes two hands to clap and not one. Get my drift?

I am not the kind of girl who leans or depends too much on man/men. I am no attention grabber. I am not the kind of person who expects gifts to be given to me all the time or whatever the occasion calls. If I want something, I will damn sure I get it on my own.

God has given me the brains, hands, feet and whatnot to live my life. As for soulmate, yes I do believe in that. As much as I do prefer to be independent, I do believe about love. But I do not like it when the other creature spouts things that implies I am bloody weak and neeeed to rely on him! Or thinks that they are damn tooo right when they are bloody well not. I have my life to live and dreams/ambitions to reach. I prefer these things to be respected.

I detest guys who controls girls. I detest the old fashion idea between man and woman. It's the modern age!

For the love of God, snap out of it man!

I use the soft approach but to no avail it didn't work. I could use a much harsher words but I refrain from doing so. And if the limit has been reached, I would have no choice but to do so.

2009-03-14T20:15:00.002+08:00

I was surfing aimlessly in imeem and happen to chance upon this song that is currently being played in my blog; Glycerine by Bush. In an instant, I am addicted to it and listen to it over and over again. At times, I just close my eyes and imagine I'm the one who is strumming the guitar.

Tomorrow is Sunday and for now I hate Sunday coz the next day is Monday which equals to a working day.

So lets not think about Sunday and Monday and let me enjoy my short weekend which I had been anticipating.

Such a bliss listening to this song.

2009-03-12T21:35:00.001+08:00

Bah!!! I want this week to end! I want my weekends now!

Enough said.

2009-03-12T01:30:00.002+08:00

Time now is 1.30 am. I could not get myself back to sleep, not in 30 minutes or in an hours time.

Read a few pages of the book I borrowed and then got distracted. Surf the internet aimlessly only to land here and blogging randomly. Even at this point, I have no idea what I am about to type. I just type whatever flows from me. Ok, fullstop. I have nothing else to talk about. Just some random and pointless entry.

2009-03-10T20:26:00.002+08:00

When was the last time I pick up a pencil to draw and a brush to paint? The answer would be a long time ago. My knowledge in art is getting pretty rusty and the interest is an on and off kinda thing. Less drawings for now and my brush...well...let's just say it's hairless.

I was watching a show in CNA about a small community artist in India a few days back and that was when the art side spurs in me and a sketchy idea hits me too. Knowing that sometimes I do things on impluse with a sudden interest for a period of time, I am not sure if this idea of mine will work out but I shall just take one step at a time. I need to gather resources for this before venturing into it.

So let's just see if this really do work out for me.

On another note and not really related to the entry above, I just wish time will just whizz by 3 years from now.

2009-03-10T18:50:00.000+08:00

So where will my next move be...*ponders*

2009-03-07T23:45:00.002+08:00

I think I should take up acting lessons. Especially mastering the art of facial expressions. No, I'm not thinking of becoming an actress or some miming expert. Just that sometimes my facial expression is easily read and my weakness tend to give it away easily.

Or is there any idiot proof books that I should read, like on how to act as if you know everything which in fact you don't. Especially when it comes to facing the boss or someone superior. It's amazing that there are people who can get away for their mistakes and putting up their act and yet those who did similar ones are easily caught.

Perhaps I should start practising this acting skills and be more convincing.

2009-02-28T22:27:00.003+08:00

It's end of February already and come tomorrow it's March. I haven't been posting any entry for this month nor upload the overdue pictures which I have mentioned in my earlier post. By the time I reached home from work, lethargy sets in and my mind switch off to rest for the next working day.

So since I'm here typing away and it's the weekend by the way, I was thinking of listing down some things to note based on my...ehem...limited years of experience in the workforce. Combining summaries from both my previous employment and the current one. I may be wrong or I may be right but perhaps everyone might have gone through it since it can be pretty common. Anyway heregoes (sequence are not in order):-

1. Punctuality.
- This is the very basic things that everyone has to know. It's best to cultivate the habit of coming in 5 or 10 minutes early before the start of your reporting time. It serves as a good habit, good impression to yourself and avoid your boss from screaming at you if you come in late.

2. Being late.
- Perhaps if there's a so-called grace period in your company for you to come in slightly later, try to refrain from doing it all the time. Bad habits are hard to break.

- Or if you have just finished your training and you are to report to work after that but wish to take an early break, please inform your team mates (or inform your boss, depending on the situation you are in) who is doing an earlier shift. Don't just go for your early break (and then dragging the time longer) without informing as this will cause unneccessary confusion. Besides who knows your colleague working in the earlier shift is dying of starvation.

- Maybe you are caught in a jam thus being late. This may be forgiven for some but don't use it as an excuse if you are not a punctual person. And if you are living somewhere near your workplace and you report in late, not 5 minutes late (could be excusable)but 30 minutes or an hour late then embrace yourself before you come in. Face the music.

3. Responsibility.
- Ahh...the Big R. Well...it is self-explanatory. Ranges to all kinds of situation. No? For example, if you do something and you know it is your mistake, please admit it. Don't give stupid excuses or twist your story, push the blame to others or worse framing someone. Now that is not something anybody likes (been there before).

- Perhaps you are sitting at your colleague's place who is away for a while and you use their things. As this is basically common sense, naturally you will return the things where it belongs. Refrain from dumping other things such as empty boxes in an old plastic bag or leaving behind a vacuum cleaner manual on the desk. Seriously nobody likes this. Might be a small matter but don't start with it.

4. Accomodating.
- We work as a team. There should be a give or take between each other or a win-win situation. Be open to suggestions/ideas when implementing something for the better. Not everybody likes to work with someone who prefers their suggestions alone and oppose strongly or negatively to people's suggestion.

5. Gossip.
- Well well...practically every workplace has this. Truth be told it is not healthy to gossip. And sad to say yours truly is one of them but I will always remind myself this; before gossiping look upon yourself first. And I will usually refrain unless it is so obvious. There is a malay proverb that goes like this, "nyamuk di seberang laut nampak gajah di depan mata tak nampak." The direct translation of the phrase: mosquito across the sea can be seen but an elephant infront of the eyes cannot be seen. What it means: mistakes by others are readily seen and being pointed at but ones mistakes are unseen or being avoided.

6. Personality clash.

- Almost everybody faces this before and when this comes in, try to avoid it 'cause you will end up in a sticky situation. If not, try to talk things out and sort out the different working styles or personalities as this will improve your working relationship with your colleague.

7. Medical Leave/Annual Leave.

- Unless you are really really sick by all means please take MC and stay at home to rest. Please do not take MC unnecessary, faking your sickness and go out only to be caught by your fellow colleague (or someone from your workplace) whom you unluckily bump into or being spotted.

- If your work requires someone to take over your work while you are on leave, kindly approach that person nicely( I can't think of an alternative word for this but if anyone knows please correct or let me know)and explain the reason why. Try not to demand or command your colleague to cover your work.

8. Work task.
- For me I will try to cope with my workload unless there are urgent matters to deal with then I will approach for help.

Ok, so I guess the above are summaries of which I commonly faced. It varies for everyone but I mainly draw out the general ones. Seems quite a few list but then perhaps there are more to come of which I have yet to experience.

2009-01-25T20:03:00.003+08:00

"How she longed for someone to share her terrors, to make them insignificant. But most of all, she wanted to be loved as much she wanted to love. Her life was such a desert, a bleak and loveless landscape where the only people around her were intent on getting something from her, on using her. And for the first time, someone had walked into that landscape and filled it with light and warmth, and infinite possibility."

Someday I will experience that. I hope.
No regrets over my decision and I'm glad I listened and followed my heart.
Carefree is the word I have in mind.
In the meantime I shall embrace and celebrate what life has to offer.

2009-01-19T22:49:00.004+08:00

Came back with a bloating stomach to boot plus the extra pound too. All thanks to having dinner at Badoque. There goes my workout which I have been doing on Sundays.Oh and it's Halal too, no worries since it is owned by a Muslim.

Oh yes...and a very Happy Birthday to Raudhah. Getting older ey. ;D

So let's get back to dinner.

The three of us were the only customers there so the place wasn't that busy. Ambience was cool, cozy and relaxing. Service was good. Food? I shall give two thumbs up for my share. Had roasted chicken that has this sause which taste kinda tangy and is pretty light and tak memuakkan (I can only think of this word at the moment). Something new to me, but definitely nice to have. Surprisingly, I manage to finish it all up unlike when I had roasted chicken at Breeks.

Kams had lasagne which looks pretty small but is nice to have. Raudhah had pizza which is...well pretty thin. She put too much cheese powder on it so I can't really taste the sause on the pizza. Serving portion is just nice for a person to have.

We chat and took pictures to unwind our Monday blues. A rare opportunity since all three of us rarely had dinner together even though we work near to each other.

Pictures will be uploaded soon. When? I am not sure. That depends on how efficient I can be when it come to this. Heh.

To sum up everything, I had a good time to end my Monday blues at work. =)

2009-01-16T21:10:00.003+08:00

I am so elated! I finally pass my FTT! And now it's the practical. At least my leave has not gone to waste and I can strike off that personal list of mine. Ok so I have taken both FTT and the practical test before(needless to say I failed a number of times) but stop when the FTT expires in 2006. That was like 3 years ago and I was still in Poly. Err.. pretty long huh. Heh.

I'm deciding to take the test over at SSDC instead of Ubi since I have failed miserably when I took it back then. Plus the traffic at Ubi are heavily congested and there are road works going on. Not a good idea based on my opinion.

Read from SSDC website that they are going to move to Woodlands in August. That's far for me considering I am staying in the East.

This is just the beginning and things are taking into shape for now... I hope it will stay this way.

2009-01-13T21:35:00.002+08:00

"Sam, I want you to know that being different is not a problem. It's just being different. But feeling different is a problem. When you feel different, the feeling can actually change the way you see the world."

Part of a letter written by the grandfather to his grandson.

Quite an inspirational book even though I just read the first few chapters. Which also causes me to miss my stop on my way back home (I was seated in the MRT thus had the luxury to read the book).

2009-01-11T22:44:00.006+08:00

A sight worth waiting and watching for, everytime I reached home after a day at work.

To be frank, these pictures are long overdue which I took last year using my camera phone. Images are raw and unedited, so please pardon me for the unprofessional photo taking.I decided to upload it now and share what the view is like at Sunset just outside my window at home. Pictures were taken on different days and I definitely can't remember what month was that.

Imagine just sitting by the window drinking a cup of coffee and watch the sunset. How nice...

2009-01-10T23:53:00.000+08:00

It is just the 10th day of 2009 and more are coming up. One of my resolutions for this year is to continue doing something which I use to or love to do, but you know as they always say "Old habits are hard to break". Of course, I do have the intentions to break that habit and get into action.

Apparently blogging is one of the things I enjoy doing not until I entered the workforce and that is when I hardly do updates here. So this is when the action starts. I am here to continue what I have left behind. I am not doing for the sake of what I have written in that resolution but sincerely do it because I like to.

Besides this helps when most of us spend about 8 to 10 hours at work or in school and hardly do meet ups with people or friends you once hang out. Time is precious alright. As much as you want to achieve the goal you have in your career or grades in school, there should be a time set aside and appreciate what life has to offer.

I won't go into every details of my daily life but just highlighting the things which are interesting. There are certain things that are meant to be kept as a secret.

Oh just to add something, I have been having this blog for exactly 5 years! And 5 years ago, I was still a student. A first year poly. student. Feeling a bit nostalgic. Heh. Kinda random and not what I have in mind when I type this entry.

Anywaaays...I really should do something about the skin of this blog.

I am getting bored of it and in need of ideas for a new look.

Right. So off I go finding ideas....=D

2009-01-01T00:11:00.002+08:00

So it is finally here. The year 2009. The year I have been waiting for during the months in 2008. I know it is going to be a tough year ahead but that will not dampen my spirit. I am going to start afresh and will go against all odds.

Welcome 2009!

And wishing all a very Happy New Year!

2008-12-15T21:52:00.003+08:00

I wanted to quote a phrase or paragraph from a book I read but was put off when I was reminded of an unfortunate incident today. Worst of all it had happened twice to me and I have to warn especially Girls/Women to be cautious when boarding a crowded train. I am embarrased and angry of what happened but I guess I need to tell just so Girls/Women are aware and would avoid such things to happen.

As usual the MRT are exceptionally crowded during the morning peak hour. Of course the same goes in the evening. But this incident took place in the morning so that was how it began.

I board the train from Eunos and since I had missed the train I usually take at 8.25 am (coz it is not really crowded), I took the one that came 2-5 minutes later. Due to the first bad experience, I board the second last door of the last cabin. I do not need to tell the first incident since the second one is very similar.

Anyways, the cabin was crowded and I note that there was a middle age guy standing with his haversack bag infront of him. The first thing came to my mind is not to stand infront of him of what had happened the last time (only that this time it is a different guy but coincidentally the same bag...yes I know anyone can have the same bag..just bear with me).

Although I tried to avoid standing infront of him, somehow misfortune land upon me and I felt someone brushing/touching my bum. This time around I turn to look at the person but there wasn't an expression coming from him. The guy just look to his right and act as though nothing has happened. I sense that something was not right and that I am not being paranoid, so when a new crowd from the next train station boarded I moved more to the right to avoid him.

And shockingly, I still felt the brushing and turned again to find that man standing behind me. This time there was no one to witness as had the first time and I was on the verge of crying. I move closer to the door even though there was a lady standing infront of me. I could see that she was quite irritated but to hell with that coz I don't want that guy to be near me.

Out of desperation I alighted at Kallang even though that wasn't the train station I usually alight. I wanted to have a good look at the guy when I alighted but he wasn't there.

What shocked me was that he too alighted the same train station. Panic overwhelmed me. He may be sitting and I standing away from him but still I am scared of what might happen.

Instead of taking the next train (jurong west bound train) that we both alighted, the guy took the train that goes towards the east. Now why would he alight at Kallang when he could drop off at Paya Lebar or Aljunied and take the train to the east?!

Obviously there is something wrong going on here.

Oh gawd! Now since it had happened twice I am more afraid to take the MRT.

So Girls/Ladies/Women, out there please be aware of this kind of person. Do not be decieved by someone who wears a bloody haversack bag infront of him.

2008-11-23T20:37:00.002+08:00

The weekends pass by so fast and I wish for more. I did nothing more than sleep in this nice weather for the past two days and clearly it is not enough.

A new week starts tomorrow and another day at work. Bleah.

Ok, shall start counting down to Friday. 5 more days to go.

Go Go Go.

2008-11-16T13:52:00.003+08:00

Freak!!! Suddenly I have a total of 350 people in my friendster profile! The last time I login a few days ago it was still 100 something people whom I know. Where does that extra 200+ people come from?! Best of all most of them are foreigners! WTF?!

Better delete these extras then. Bummer!

2008-11-13T23:22:00.004+08:00

I was facebook-ing the IJ Group and rummaging my "treasure box" and this was what I found...

It has been years since all of us see each other after graduation. Reading those remarks brings a smile and I couldn't help but shed a tear.

Dear All,

You are being missed by me =)

2008-10-30T20:21:00.002+08:00

It's the end for the month of October and in 2 days time it's November. By the time you know it, it's the end of year 2008 and we will be celebrating a brand new year!

Although it is too soon to usher in the brand new year, but I just can't wait to embrace year 2009. I am really looking forward of what lies ahead next year and somehow I have already planned my resolutions months ago. Ok so may be about 2 months back? Kiasu? Yes. I don't know why but I just feel optimistic. Of course unexpected things will happen which may disrupt the course of plans I have in mind but I am ready to fight against all odds.

Sound a little bit ambitious eh? Just let me be.

Looking back at the year 2008, I am amazed of how far I have reached and gone through. It was a painful start from the beginning till mid of the year but I slowly pick up the pieces and regain what I have lost. Too many things happen till I neglected this blog and realised that I did not blog for the month of February and September.Whatmore for the rest of the months for this year. On the average of one month, I blogged at least one entry. Hahaha!

Indeed, 2008 is an eventful year and I can't wait for 2009!

2009! Cepat la datang!!

Lalalalalalala....

2008-10-22T21:35:00.002+08:00

A few days back, I did an online personality test based on Carl Jung and Isabel Myers-Brigg typogical approach. I was classified under INTJ and further read through the links they have given to have a better understanding on what it meant. The four letters are the initials of Introversion, iNtuition, Thinking, Judging. INTJ is also known as The Mastermind which surprises me that I am no Mastermind at all. I read further and this was the description of The Mastermind.

The Mastermind (INTJ)is a very focused as well, but more on an internal vision. They are good at solving problems and like to work on tough intellectual puzzels. They are often lead into technical positions such as scientific researcher, design engineer, environmental planner. The developing field of genetics benefits from their intensity as does the field of medicine. In education they are the most often found at college and university level. In the professions, they may be a lawyer, a business analyst, or strategic planner. Some have strong artistic/creative bent and may become and artist, inventor, or designer. Whatever they do, they do it with intensity.

Somewhat true to the above but not when it states "They are good at solving problems..." which is pretty ironic that I do not like to solve problems especially when it comes in contact with people or Mathematics.

As I was bored and curious to know more, I click on one of the links http://typelogic.com/intj.html. I read further and can't seem to digest on the facts given. Description is almost true but there are some which I seem not to believe. I don't know...perhaps I have not express my potential yet? Am not being thick skinned or pessimistic in case you wonder but that's what I have been reading and googling lately.

I am finally picking up the pieces from where I have left after leaving the previous employment and am no longer stuck at some cross-roads which I am sure I have mentioned here more than 10 times. So I search on articles or information to better myself hence, doing such personality test. I just don't want to make the same mistakes again.

I am ready and eager to make a move and will embrace the challenges in order to attain my goals which I know what I want in mind. I will not stop nor give in to negative remarks over my choices even though the people may be someone close to me. Be it family or friends.

People have the right to choose and make decisions for themselves and it irks me when there are those who oppose strongly thinking their opinion is better.

2008-08-30T11:14:00.002+08:00

I had supposedly planned to visit the doctor on my skin condition yesterday but push it to today. In fact, I'm suppose to meet her in June but I kept delaying it.

The clinic is no doubt a popular one where it resides at Tampines. So knowing that it is popular I decided to wake up earlier and arrived there before it open (8.30 am).You may think I am being kiasu for doing that but when I reached there about 8.15 am, to my surprise there was a long queue of more than 25 people waiting outside the clinic.

Imagine the time these people come just to be the first in the queue! Perhaps they come before subuh? Haha! Ok ok stop being lame.

The first time I went there, it wasn't as shocking as today considering that I had to wait 3 hours just to see the doctor and consultation last for like 10 mins. I suppose it could have been Saturday being the weekend.

So seeing the queue and the nurse informing that the doctor will see up to the 25th person diminish my hope to have an appointment with the doctor. Furthermore, I had specifically woke up early today just to make the trip there. I could have sleep in longer you know. Instead I bought my cleansing lotion just to be safe instead of replenishing the rest of my medication. Oh not to worry, buying the cleansing lotion only takes a few mins.

The nurse also informed that the doctor will be in tomorrow at 9 a.m. And I can imagine the time and number of people would come tomorrow.

Not too sure if I want to make the trip there tomorrow since it is still the weekend. Perhaps during the weekday?

And of course if I am to see the doctor, the bill is going to leave a hole in my pocket.

2008-08-29T22:50:00.002+08:00

You know...my last entry mentioned that I have 'abandoned my blog as it is'. Well, it is true. It's the end of August and this is my first post for this month. I am not busy. I am plainly lazy to do an update, besides there's nothing interesting to blog about. I am not stress for sure. Though ironically apart of me miss being stress(Healthy stress I hope?)and also in the midst of the hustle and bustle of life.

And perhaps I can hear people saying this, " Oh! Here we go again. Jannah is being fickle. What's new".

Now now...please cast your sarcasm somewhere else. Thank you.

Anywaysss, as you can see I haven't change my blogskin. When was the last time I did it? Last year when I was still a student. The first few months of last year, to be precise and from that on I didn't touch anything that has got to do with Art, Design or something creative. My skills in this area have not been refined.

Most likely, that part is still in my 'to-do-list'.

So this laziness of mine is beginning to irk me. I just plan and plan and plan but I guess none has put to action.

Tsk. Whatever has happened to me eh.

The entries I do are mostly text. I rarely put up pictures and there are those long overdue pictures from last year where I went to BKK, outing with friends and so forth.

So now...since this Monday is September, will you or I expect another single post at the end of the month?

Hrmm...let's see if this might happen or not.

2008-07-08T00:07:00.003+08:00

As requested by Nura, I shall now do an update. Heh.

Just in case, I must warn you the following entry might bore and confuse you a little.

Here it goes...

It seems very obvious that this blog has been left abandoned. When was the last time I update my blog religiously? Right...back when I was still a student. And ever since I started work I barely have the mood to update. You know I know.

I may have the time now but it's just that sometimes, I don't know what to blog thus leave my blog as it is.

So how have my life been lately? On the personal side, it's pretty good.
Work? Well...I am still learning...

I had a taste of how it is to be "studying part-time" this evening. Even though it is some tutorial thing I attended, somehow I understand the things people said about taking part-time studies. Definitely a different feeling then the one I had envisioned. I guess it is easier to say then going through it.

I don't know whether my mind is made up about studying part-time in the future to come, but I will try to go for another tutorial session tomorrow and see whether I can adapt it. Pretend as if I am going to school which in fact that place isn't a school at all.

Alright, I better turn in now.

I know it so sudden I end the entry as it is but right now as I type, I am currently in a sleepy mode and half of what I type here can barely make sense to me at all.

2008-06-13T21:33:00.004+08:00

I don't know what came over me but recently I have been remincing those days back in Secondary School.
Oh! Those days when I was still a Convent Girl.
Apparently my youngest sister is still a student in my ex-Secondary School but perhaps it was the interns at work that reminded me as a student.

I miss the warmth, energy vibe, pride and optimisim that the school instilled in me.
Somehow after graduating, I lost that sense and 'forget' where I once belong.
Perhaps blinded by daily needs and misery that it had once cast upon me.

But looking at the interns who comes from a girl school, it brought back memories and the drive that I once had.
As soon as I reached home, I 'Googled' and found the website to the CHIJ Alumni and CHIJ Katong Convent.

It feels good to read about the 'IJ Girl Defined' and as I read,the characteristics highlighted are definitely true and that is what makes the IJ Girl unique.

An excerpt from the text which I truly believe,

IJ girls are known for their willingness to speak out against injustice, and for their persistence, persuasiveness and sheer dogged refusal to give up on something they believe in.

It was then I feel the assurance that everything is going to be alright.
Forget about what has happened and look forward.

Yes...Somehow I know I am going to make it.

2008-05-23T18:08:00.003+08:00

Cliche as this may sound, what ever has happened it happens for a reason.

It has been two weeks since I left.
I should have blogged this entry the day after it happened but I suppose I was not in a rush and in the mood to do so.

Whatever it is, I am glad that it is over for me and I don't need to go through that phase. At the moment.
The decision was final and I am sure I don't intend to look back.
Never.

Though I missed my closes angels there, I just don't seem to have the courage to step into the branch. Maybe it's pride that stop me from coming in or just that it brings the sadness that once cast on me during my days there.
Like a sharp knife that pierce through my heart.

So this is an experience to be learnt.
I just hope it gets better in the future to come.
More light that brings in the warmth and lift my spirit from where I had left.

2008-05-08T23:19:00.003+08:00

Everything doesn't seem to fall into place
And this time I hit the ground hard
Very Hard
I can no longer stand and hold my head high
Not now
I lose all my hopes I've been aspiring
There is nothing I see that can enlighten me
Too much tears are shed
I can't deny my self-esteem is pitch low
Everything seems bleak
I don't know who to turn to
I have tried my very best
But it is still not enough
I am desperately trying to find ways to leave here
I want it soon
I want now
Coz it's depressing over here
And I can't take it anymore
This is not Me
This wasn't how I use to be
I want the old Me back
The Me who always turns negative to positive instantly
The optimistic Me...

2008-04-03T00:16:00.003+08:00

Let's Sing It!!!
*SCREAM*
It has been eons since I last think positively..well I am just saying this as a start to break away from all those crap that's been going on..
I hope it works though I am STILL PISSED OFF...

Whatever man.. *sings* let's move along, move along...

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
[x3]

(Move along)
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along

2008-03-01T12:46:00.002+08:00

A rollercoaster ride of emotions. I can't help it but to cry in silence and without anyone knowing nor seeing the tears.

With a case that I voluntary took the blame telling them that the root of the cause was from me when in fact there was another party to blame even though it was minor. My fault too by not revealing it.

And yesterday was almost the last shread of my patience. They called me at the very last minute to cover someone's shift. A bloody last minute MC in which I heard that person is capable of doing it most of the time, either she is bloody well sick to death or just doing it for her own benefit. Out of anger I slam the door when I enter and left my base branch just to take my blazer. Aware there were customer inside but couldn't care less of the impression they have on me. Too pissed to even bother.

Colleagues are shocked and concerned over the sudden behaviour from me. Most probably because I had never vent my anger in front of them or seen that side of me.

Sometimes it's a wonder my presence can bring happiness to them. I'm not gloating over this, it's more like I'm laughing of what they thought of me. I am not what I seem to be. A masquerade that I think I will be an expert at doing.

Enough of this. I think the more I rant about it here the more fuel adds to my anger.

2008-01-29T00:18:00.000+08:00

It's midnight. I can't sleep. Looking out from my window below, the streets are empty. Along came a motorcyclist who illegally beat the red light, perhaps thinking no one is looking. The motorcyclist is wrong. He doesn't know I saw him doing that or perhaps he knows someone is watching and chose to ignore. Ignorance can be a bliss but sometimes it can be bad, bringing unfortunate events.

I have yet to start with a decent entry for this year. What with unexpected events that happened just days before the New Year starts. Resolutions? Well let's just keep that aside. I would prefer not to mention it here.

Maybe some of you are wondering how has my life been. Well I can say that 3/4 of my time is spent on working. I barely go for meetups. There is less talk from me. I become more quiet these days. Wait. I am quiet and now I am more quieter than before.

Oh. There is something new to tell. My work schedule is messed up. I don't even know where and when I will be the next day. I can be at Branch A today but tomorrow I may be at Branch B. They changed without informing me and asking for my opinion.

From the bottom of my heart, I shall say a very big 'Thank You'. 'Thank You' for screwing up more of my already screwed up work life.

Familiar faces are leaving, moving on for the better. Whereas I am stagnant. Contemplating and being indecisive. I do want to move on but I need a base before doing so. I am not sure if this chance is worth doing.

The parents wants me to stay and make it as a permanent place. I guess they don't understand where I am standing. Don't tell me that I should express what bothers me about work and why I want to change. I tried. And it's fruitless.

So now it's up to me which path I want to take and decisions to make. Maybe planning silently may be a good choice.

Or may be it's not?

2008-01-11T00:49:00.000+08:00

I am still here
Still rooted to the same place
Just waiting
There is no need to worry about me
I am fine
Call me out
And I will come

2008-01-04T00:44:00.000+08:00

All I could do is offer my prayers to you.
Even when I am starting to type here, tears started to well up.
Too overwhelmed by emotions.

So you are gone, never coming back...
I can't help reminice those times when you are still here
I can't help controlling my emotions coz I miss you too much
But God loves you more and take you back where you belong

What is left are memories...
I will miss your warm welcome whenever I visit you
I will miss your endless compliments that always makes me smile
I will miss sending you for your check up and having breakfast with you
I will miss those kisses on my forehead before I say my goodbyes upon leaving your house
I will miss your presence at your door watching me leave and waving goodbye
And it hurts to see you are no longer there, now that you are gone
I will miss your voice when you recite the Quran...
Those melodious voice that everyone should hear
I will miss everything about you

And so it is time for you to go
Sleeping peacefully till your last breath...
So long, goodbye.

2007-12-28T00:51:00.000+08:00

I am doomed.

Ok so it is not a big deal right? Right?
To " lost" a hp that is.
Or may be it is a big deal.

Shit shit shit. I am uncontactable and I feel so handicap.
I might lost it in the cab or left it in the branch.
I call up the cab hotline no. and they had already contacted the cab driver. Unfortunately even though there is no passenger after I left, my hp is not found as claimed by them. I don't know whether that is the truth or a denial. I hope it is the first and not the later.

Another possibility would be at the branch. If I really left it there then it is good news as compared to the above. At least.
I just hope my colleague would give me a call tom. and tell me, it's there.

No worries about the content in my hp. It is totally clean nothing of those raunchy things that has been going on.

Aiyah! How to sleep like this.
I want my hp now now now!

Haiz...ok let's put this thing aside to ease the tension and let me tell of an incident that make me feel like a total idiot.

A customer came in the evening to ask about his reward points but unfortunately we are unable to check from our frontline system. Customer was being very difficult and still persist us to do so. To cut short, before he left in a 'huff' he ask me a question that makes me look like a goon.

Customer: I work in Stanchart. Do you know what is 'Stanchart' and what it means?
Me : Yes, isn't it a bank from the UK...

(Before I can complete my sentence and explain he cut me off)

Customer: No. 'Stanchart' is Standard Chartered. *Haha* You dont' know it right? I
know you don't know because you all have been using the term 'Stanchart'
without knowing the name. You see I know that you are new and you don't
know what 'Stanchart' is.
Me : (At this point, I was totally speechless and fuming over the remark)

Customer continue...

Customer: Ah, then do you know what does HSBC mean? It is Hongkong and Shanghai
Banking Corporation. I have been working at 'Stanchart' very long *Haha*.
But now I retired already.
Me : ( Still speechless but in my mind *WTF!!! Of course I BLOODY well know what
'Stanchart' and HSBC means you wrinkly old man!*)

Oh gosh! After that incident, I felt like an idiot entertaining such human beings. Seriously, this is crazy.

2007-12-16T23:21:00.000+08:00

It seems that most of my previous post doesn't show signs of optimism. Agree?
Not that I came to realize it but I am aware of the entries I post.
I guess I am just 'whining' the daily rantings which of course doesn't lead to no where plus it is the same story again and again.

A while ago I read a friend's/colleague's blog who expresses unpleasant things about work. Yes, all of us know we will definitely go through the ups and downs in the work force. I mean who doesn't, even I do (evident).

But what higlights her entry is the act of immaturity. Clearly she knows her flaws in her working style. What irks me, is the language she used and character wise. If complaining that others are selfish and has her way of doing things, clearly it shows she is not being accomodating.

She have been advised for the better and not to make it seem that she have been told off. Unfortunately she didn't take it well and behaves unprofessionally.

Whatever, I am pretty much sick of the politics.

Another note, I will be on leave from tomorrow onwards. Hopefully, this rest will ease the tension and clear my mind. So perhaps when I come back, there might be a different light to look forward to.
I hope and very much pray for that.

*::*::*Whispers From The Heart*::*::*

::::Whispers From The Heart::::